Sarcasm can be overdone very easily, but sometimes it says more than can be said without it.

In Defense of America
Satirical Essay By Frank Silva
11/06/08 "ICH" — - -Can we stop already? Can we just stop arguing? America is a capitalist country. Capitalism is what made America great! It's what's going to keep America great! Anyone who disagrees with that has no concept of history, economics, or patriotism. Anyone who disagrees with that is clueless about what it means to be a proud American. And anyone who disagrees is a poor, pathetic, lazy loser that probably couldn't make money with an insider trading tip.

The business of America is business and if you don't like that you can, as they say, love it or leave it. Don't let the door hit you in your whining, cry-baby, liberal butt on the way out. The founders of this great nation broke from England for economic liberty. With the aid of God, guns and guts Americans gobbled up land by the millions of acres from lesser peoples that illegally occupied it and we put it to better use.

How can these Democrats and liberals, and liberal Democrats, and especially Hollywood liberal America-haters not see that? Why live with the people who were here long before us, but have no concept of capitalism or profits, when we were much better armed than they were and had Bibles? Besides, their religious practices were kooky and many of them used hard drugs during their rituals. None of them were God-fearing Christians; they were nothing more than savages! But that's the least of it, because the fact is that these primitive heathens had no respect for individual property or the right to accumulate everything one can get one's hands on. Therefore we were perfectly justified in giving them smallpox laced blankets. After all, when an unwanted guest refuses to leave your home you call the police, don't you? Same concept here. And today if they still refuse to leave they get tased, bro. And justifiably so.

Before the founding of our nation, and into the early part of our glorious history, land owners brought the word of God to yet another group of lesser people and traded the glory of their righteous salvation for just a few hours of honest hard work each day in the fields of southern plantations. And remember, it was that work that built a large portion of America's great wealth. A win-win for both groups.

Wealth and accumulation of property, for the few with connections to succeed in reaching out and grabbing the brass ring, was and remains America's manifest destiny.

America fought as a nation united under the banner of noble capitalist purposes and defeated fascism and communism. Capitalist profits hold no loyalties or national identities. It's unrestricted freedom. That's what American soldiers fought and died for throughout our entire American history. It's the definition, the very core, of liberty. Brave soldiers made the ultimate sacrifice over and over again and did not complain like the liberal ingrates that infest our great nation today. Our brave patriots asked their betters how they could help safeguard the right to life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, and the security of their profits, even at the cost of their very lives, instead of just asking, or begging, for their piece of the pie. And the entire pie went, rightfully, to those that remained at home crafting foreign and domestic policy, and used their capital and assets to vastly increase their capital and assets. It's the American Way. It's what our soldiers died for. And if you think corporations should be regulated or held accountable to anyone or any government, or that corporate profits be restricted or taxed, then you are sullying the memory of every brave soldier in America's grand history and you should feel ashamed of yourself.

The noble fight continues today as our nation unites against those socialists that would restrict corporate profits in the interest of things like universal healthcare, rights for workers or the un-capitalistic notions of some vague sense of fairness or skewed concept of ethics. There are no ethics in capitalism. Those of us who are intelligent understand that. We not only understand that, we accept it, because accepting conflicting concepts is inherently American; it's what we do.
Doctors may take a Hippocratic Oath but corporations don't. So all this fuss about HMO's and managed healthcare or the spiraling costs of healthcare is just left-wing nonsense. Politicians and the media may be obligated to attempt making that medicine a little easier for the public to swallow, but corporations are not. Capitalist corporations don't have to care one bit about your survival, unless you can pay top dollar. Sorry if the truth, like whatever ails you, hurts, but that's your problem, not one for the balance sheets. Pharmaceutical companies, likewise, deserve their just profits. That's the way it is. Get used to it. It's not personal; it's just business. It's just the American Way.

Why, for another example, have a well-trained military made up of the best kids our nation has to offer when we can hire professionals for five or six times as much money, paid to corporate go-getters with the capitalist foresight to start great companies such as Erik Prince did with Blackwater? And the best part is we know they are well trained because our Armed Forces trained them all. That's not only exceptional capitalism, that's brilliant.

What is it that anti-American liberals want anyway? Besides the destruction of America, that is. What don't they understand? After we defeated the Japanese in World War II the Tokyo Tribunal held Japanese war criminals accountable for their crimes. One Japanese man was convicted of waterboarding American soldiers during the war. He claimed he did it to gather information needed to defend his country. And now loony liberals and bleeding hearts everywhere are comparing his conviction to America's waterboarding of terrorists. Do I need to point out the differences to these America-hating liberals? Okay, I will. Waterboarding terrorists gets information needed to defend America! Let's not forget that the convicted man was Japanese. They lost; we won; we're American; we own the world. What's there to not understand?

What good is having money and power if you cannot use your money to exercise power with impunity? That's what capitalism is about. And America is capitalism on steroids. Capitalism is unrestricted freedom. Capitalism is the very core of freedom. Capitalism is America. America is Freedom.

When the United States mistakenly shot down an Iran Air commercial flight full of civilians George H.W. Bush said, "I will never apologize for the United States – I don't care what the facts are." That's what great nations do: Anything they want, with no apologies.

When Fidel Castro or any other despot or repressive government steals a person's land that's a godless act of communism, but if the Texas Rangers want a new stadium and take a family's home under eminent domain laws, that's capitalism. That's American. The communist dictator Fidel is a two-bit tyrant justly reviled; George W. Bush made millions off that Rangers deal and is rightfully honored as a great businessman. Therein lies the difference. If the family whose land was seized wanted to keep their home they should have had more money, more power and more important connections than George W. Bush. American capitalism: simple and admirable, isn't it?

When corporations take risks, lose millions or billions and put themselves in danger of bankruptcy, they are entitled to government bailouts using tax-payer funds. Capitalism. Individual citizens aren't afforded the same courtesies or opportunities because that would be socialism. Do you get it yet, liberal idiots? Socialism is infested with laziness and hand-outs and benevolence to the so-called needy that are unemployed or under-employed and trying to survive below the poverty line. Socialism is for the weak. Capitalism is for the strong. Capitalism infuses our corporations with tax money in the form of subsidies and bailouts entitled to those few with the connections to make something of themselves. Capitalism is for the powerful. America is capitalism. America is powerful.

We must continue to keep America the great and powerful nation that it is.

Benevolence is weak and anti-capitalist. The last thing capitalism needs is big government handing out entitlements to people. The individual entitlement gravy train should be non-existent in a capitalist society. Like Social Security. People should have the freedom to plan their own security, not have it planned for them. If they fall flat on their faces and end up homeless in their retirement years it's nobody's fault but their own. Social Security should be abolished and all the money remaining in the fund should be used to bolster America's strength through government subsidies to corporations.

Americans are proud and strong; they don't need to be coddled. They especially don't need to be coddled by big government. There are proud Americans nationwide, including senior citizens and children, eating out of dumpsters every day knowing that their own actions put them there. They'd still have jobs if they were willing to work for Chinese wages. Or, better yet, they'd have well-paying jobs and stock options if they had the right connections and made something of themselves.

Smart people can survive in an unrestricted free market. The ones that cannot don't deserve to, and who are we to interfere with nature's way of culling the herd in a capitalist economy? Social programs, Social Security, Welfare and any other programs that just hand money over to individuals are all anti-capitalist and therefore anti-American. They should be stopped immediately.

The free market should be allowed to function free of any government interference. And I already know what people will argue – Why did Reagan restrict Japanese auto imports when they were clearly making a better product than American car companies? Simple answer: Power. Capitalist power. And we have it. Besides, Reagan didn't interfere with the free market; he just nudged it a little, purely in the interest of keeping America powerful and competitive. That's America's right.

That's the advantage of capitalism's money and power. It's like how brilliant political strategist Karl Rove got Saxby Chambliss elected. Chambliss never served a day in the military and avoided Vietnam service with a law school deferment, but Rove compared the incumbent Senator Max Cleland to bin Laden in a well-orchestrated media blitz. Never mind that wheel-chair-bound Cleland left three limbs on a battlefield in Vietnam, that's irrelevant. What's relevant is the money and power that achieved the great victory for Chambliss. That's the type of competitiveness at the very core of what keeps America strong.

And since we're being honest, let's be real. Democracy and elections are not capitalist concepts. We make a show of campaigns, elections, the voting process and the political theater of peaceful transfer of power from one politician to another, but who still believes in this fantasy? And who, other than the truly stupid or delusional, needs to? I know our society tends to continue doing things out of a sense of tradition, but this entire voting process is anti-capitalist and just hinders progress.

Come on. Really. It doesn't matter which candidate anyone votes for, just as long as they vote. How quaint. So we go and vote and joke about the lesser-of-the-evils and have our big laugh. It's a nice feel-good kind of thing, and, as I said, tradition, but we can now do away with it. It's not necessary anymore. The joke's worn off and the time and money would be better spent on something more productive.
All the acceptable corporate politicians have the agenda of keeping America strong, corporations unrestricted, standards unregulated, wealthy-class and corporate profits untaxed and capitalism robust. So let's just dispense with the whole boring elections process. It's already a farce with hanging chads and paperless, proprietary touch screen machines that both make verification virtually impossible anyway. Let's just face it: it's broken and outdated; it's hollow and unnecessary.
Under no-holds-barred capitalism the CEO of America would be selected by the wealthy and powerful that comprise the major shareholders and boards of all the top corporations, just like it's being done now anyway, so why change it? Let's just pull the curtain back, Toto, and have full disclosure. Then America could truly benefit by taking the energy and capital devoted to the appearance of elections and the façade of a functioning democratic process and divert it all to the corporate till, further strengthening our nation.

Capitalism is pure. It's as pure as religious faith. You don't question faith so why should you question capitalism? Capitalism is the talon of our mighty eagle. Capitalism is our trident. The three-pronged faith-based belief in capitalism, money and power are all interconnected, all mutually beneficial and All American.

Remember: If not now, when? If not us, who?

The time is now and it falls to us. This is the mission of our generation. Just as my father and his three brothers fought in World War II while Prescott Bush brilliantly profited with investments in both American and Nazi industries supplying vital munitions and equipment for both sides, it is time for our generation to carry on that tradition.

It's time to take the gloves off. If you can't beat us, join us. Either you are with us or you are with the terrorists. Get with the program. Europe did; South and Central America did; South Africa did; Russia did; China did; the Middle East is; and everyone, one way or another, will. Listen to the people who know, like, to name a few, Rupert Murdoch, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Dennis Miller, Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, Karl Rove and Dick Cheney. Especially Dick Cheney.

Unrestrained money and power are capitalism. Capitalism is strength. America is capitalism. America is strong. Let's keep America strong.

Tom Usher

About Tom Usher

Employment: 2008 - present, website developer and writer. 2015 - present, insurance broker. Education: Arizona State University, Bachelor of Science in Political Science. City University of Seattle, graduate studies in Public Administration. Volunteerism: 2007 - present, president of the Real Liberal Christian Church and Christian Commons Project.